Friends With Benefits?

Sis 2 here ... 

Recently I reconnected with an old boyfriend ... the man that I thought I would marry, the man I have loved deep in my heart ever since the asshole left me when I thought I was prego and that cheated on me during our relationship (oh that could be a whole other rant) and I was so excited to reconnected. 

One big problem -- he is now married. 

Being the mature person I am, we talk and I make sure to keep it light and friendly -- I am not gonna ruin his marriage. Yes we got flirty and talked a lot about what could have been but I would always try to pull us back on track. 

One day a couple of months ago he wants to know if he can ask me a question and says my answer won't change anything ... now we all know that is a big ass lie but I agree. That motherfucker asks me to be "friends with benefits" ... his side bitch, his sleaze ... essentially because he wants that relationship but is too lazy and doesn't want to leave his wife. 

Oh hell no motherfucker ... this sassy sister ain't some side bitch. I am not the weak girl I was 20 years ago - the desperate little twat that took you back time and time again. Oh hell no!

Funny my answer did change things - went from hearing from him daily to crickets chirping in silence. Obviously in this case people don't change and once a sleazy motherfucker, always a sleazy motherfucker. 

This sassy sister ain't stupid ... until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic 

WTF? Seriously??

Sis 2 here -- 

Just a quickie blog ... hell a quickie is more than I get anyway but I digress ... to vent. 

I was talking with the STBX (soon to be ex) this morning about his new house and the bitchy teenage daughter -- he said "she won't like it because I am not getting cable. I want to get off the couch more and if it is there I will watch it." My response was "I am aware of that" but what I really wanted to say was "No fucking shit? You've been sitting on the fucking couch for years here while I did stuff around the house, dealt with the kids, took up running and working out and whenever I asked you to do something you didn't want to -- watching fucking Planet of Apes was more important." 

I think I should get a gold star or something for my restraint ...

Until the next time, keep it sassy and sarcastic 

Shameless Promotion

Sis 1 here . . .

Just a quickie . . . my new friend and blogging buddy, Menopausal Mother, has a new book coming out soon.  I'm shamelessly plugging it, because (1) I know it will be fantastically funny and (2) someday I may write a book and I'll want to do the same.  LOL!

So, go to her website to get the details here.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Oh Happy Day

Sis 1 here . . .

Today was just lovely so I wanted to share the mood.  I didn't have to go to the office until after a client meeting, so I got to do my walk early in the morning.  The weather cooperated . . . it was cool, but not cold; the sun was shining, but it wasn't beating down.  Then I drove to the BEACH for my meeting. Well, I didn't actually go to the beach, but the office was right there.  Now, I'm not a beach person--I hate sand--but I love to look out at the water.  After a short, but sweet client meeting, I stopped at the cupcake shop that was next door.  I was getting a cupcake for a co-worker who just got a promotion.  Of course, I got myself one too.  It was a "Guiness Stout Chocolate Cupcake with Baileys Irish Crème Frosting (contains alcohol)."  Damn!  It was yummy!

When I got to work, it was peaceful . . . no drama . . . and I got a lot done.  It just seemed to be a no pressure day.

So, I had a great day.  Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Karma Baby

Sis 1 here . . .

Karma is a bitch and a very good friend of mine.  I've talked about what an ass ESD is and how he stole money from me.  His justification was that I would make that money back by April, whereas he didn't know where he would be come April without that money.

Well,  I got two pieces of news today... (1) he's broke and (2) I got a raise today.  To top it off, the raise brought me to a goalpoint in my life.

So,  life is good.  Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic. . . .

Spring Is Coming

Sis 1 here. . .

I know my sis doesn't believe this, but Spring is coming.  I walked out of the house this morning and that feeling and smell was present.   The feeling is that of a warmer undercurrent in the cool air.  The smell is that of freshness.  That's the only way to describe it.  Plus the time changes this weekend.

So those of you in the cold and snow... This means you,  Sis. . . Hang in there.  Spring is coming.

Until next time,  keep it #sassyandsarcastic. . . .

Hanging on by a thread

Sis 2 here ... 

Recently everything seems to be overwhelming me and I mean EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I feel pulled a thousand different directions and everyone is dancing on my very last nerve. I am sure it is a compilation of work stress, home stress and being cooped up because of the hateful ass winter we are having but I truly feel like I am hanging on by a thread with no release in sight. 

Do you ever have one of these days/weeks/months? Share and let's vent together! 

Until then, hoping my thread doesn't snap while I am keeping it #sassyandsarcastic. 

Weather Woes

Sis 2 here -- 

Some of you may know and some of you ... well you need to pay better fucking attention ... may not, but Sis 1 and I grew up together in Indiana. She was the lucky bitch and escaped this place many years ago (I won't say how many because that will age her and then she might hit me the next time I see her) but I have been stuck here. I have tried to make an escape but it is like there is an invisible force-field keeping me here. 

Indiana is sometimes beautiful and awesome - there are some great places and people here - and sometimes it is is awful. There are way too many backward-ass, narrow-minded people for me but ... well that is a blog post for another day. Today I want to complain about the hell of winter here in Indiana!! 

I hate winter ... I mean I despise winter ... let's just say winter can kiss my ass. I don't like to be cold (and by cold I mean anything below 64 degrees) and I hate snow and ice. Snow only belongs in those little glass globes you shake and put back on the table and ice only belongs in my adult beverages. 

This year winter came in strong and earlier than usual -- it started in early December and hasn't left since. We have broken records for the amount of snow for January, February and the winter overall. We have broken records for the number of days below zero -- yes, I said BELOW fucking zero!! It is now March and we are expecting more mother-effing snow tonight -- estimating between 6-8" of the damn white stuff. OMG ... I am in winter HELL. 

I am OVER IT!!! Winter needs to go away now -- there are not enough wine bottles and curse words to get me through much more of this. GO THE HELL AWAY!!

I am cold and sick of it but until next time I am keeping it #sassyandsarcastic 

Jury Duty Completed

Sis 1 here  .  . .

Well, I finished with jury duty yesterday and a great time was had by all.  I was on for a total of five days . . . That's $80 just for showing up and I saved about $60 in gas because I didn't have to go to work.  Woot woot

The trial was not that big a deal, it was a DUI case.  There were two charges and we came back with a guilty verdict on one--impaired driving, but we couldn't reach and agreement on the second which was the determination of the actual blood alcohol content.  Unfortunately, there were some procedures that the police didn't follow--not horrible infractions, but enough to cause reasonable doubt in the minds of half the jury.  If there was only one small issue, it probably could have been overlooked, but there were several small issues that added up.  So, the second count was declared a mistrial.

I had a great time and the others on the jury were pretty cool for the most part.  As much as I've enjoyed the odd schedule the past few weeks, I'm ready to get back on schedule

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Respect the Office

Sis 1 here . . .

I am getting really pissed off at how people are posting shit about my President.  I'm not one to discuss politics, but this is not even about politics.  It's about basic respect for the office of the President of the United States of America.  I mean seriously, I saw a post that said, "Happy President's Day to all the Presidents, except Barack Obama."  Are you fucking kidding me?  Who the fuck are you?  I see posts about impeaching him and I'm still trying to figure out on what grounds?  I still see people saying he is the one that screwed up this country?  Really?  And the ones that have caused me to break off friendships  . . . The ones that wish him dead.  That's some crazy shit, right there.  I'm not saying you have to love the man or even like him, but again . . . Respect the office.  There have been plenty of Presidents that I haven't liked . . . I still RESPECTED THE OFFICE.  Grrr . . . .

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Lazy Days and Nights

Sis 1 here . . .

I'm spending my weekends just chillin' these days.  I mean seriously, the last two weekends, I haven't left the house for much of anything.  In fact, I've spent most of the time curled in bed with my books and technology.  I love it.  The weekends just aren't long enough for me.  This weekend though, is three days.  Woo hoo!  So what am I doing?  Computer, Kindle, writing, new magazines to read, four books in progress, study for CE credits for insurance license, scrapbooking, time with the Boy (including a movie outing tomorrow), and watching NBA All Star Weekend.

So, I'm a pretty happy camper right now.  No snarkiness, no sarcasm, just chillin' out and enjoying myself.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Valentine's Day Humbug

Sis 1 here . . .

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day . . . Bah fucking humbug!

I can't remember having a good Valentine's Day since maybe high school . . . If then.  ESD didn't ever do anything for me for Valentine's Day, so I got to the point to not even think about it.  In 2012, ESD and I had our big blow up and that was the beginning of the final stages of our marriage. And in 2013, he gave me the best gift ever  . . . That of him moving his lazy, ass out of my house.  Now THAT was a Valentine's Day gift!

So, tomorrow when I go to work and see the folks with the flowers and candy on their desks and the gushy cards, I'll try not to be too Scroogy McDuck.  I'll try not to call out the girl at work that always buys herself flowers and tries to say they are from some guy.  Seriously!  Every. Single. Year.  I'll try not to make snarky  comments to the girl who complains about her boyfriend every day, but on Valentine's Day, he is the best boyfriend ever.  Ugh . . . Gag me. 

I'll just give everyone my favorite greeting "Happy VD!"  and keep on smiling.  Tee hee hee . . . I think it's appropriate.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Jury Duty Part One

Sis 1 here…

I'm on jury duty this week. I know a lot of people don’t like jury duty and do anything they can to get out of it.  But me? I love it! I'm totally serious. In love being on jury duty. In fact, I'm bummed when I don't get picked to be on a jury.  Happy girl this week… I'm on a jury. I can tell you anything about the case though.

My new friend, MJM, thinks I must have been abused as a child.  I think it's great to do my civic duty. Being the silly nerdy boy he is, he got stuck on the "duty" of it all.  Side note… if you really want to read some funny shit, check out his two blogs… The Nerdy Side of Life and The Insane Asylum…hilarious.

Anyway, enough of him and back to me. Why not embrace jury duty? I get paid from my job, I get a small fee from the courts plus mileage . . . Already, I'm making money on this thing. I don't have to drive as far as I do for work each day . . . So saving even more money on gas. I don't have to wear my work clothes (still have to dress decently though), and the court hours are awesome!  Bonus?! I get to judge someone. Woot woot!  Of course, I'm fair and impartial, but I get to decide. How fucking cool is that?

So, yes, I LOVE jury duty! Hopefully my next post will be about this trial.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Celebrity Sightings Part Deux (That's French for Two, Y'all)

Sis 1 here . . .

I went to another book signing last night.  This one is for Jen Lancaster.  If you haven't read her books yet, you need to.  She is so damn funny and just awesome.  And, for you folks that are from Indiana--she's from Indiana, too, and now lives in Chicago.  If you want a good taste of her writings, check out her blog at Jennsylvania.  She is totally a riot.   She was kind enough to have personal conversations with every person that waited in line for a book signing and she took pictures with everyone.  Our conversation revolved around our twin lives and being sweaty Hoosiers.  She actually wrote those things in my books that I had signed.  Awesome!!!

But, of course I would see her there.  It's her book signing.  The other celebrity I saw was Quinn Cummings.  I kind of expected that she might be there because she is friends with Jen.  Y'all may remember her as litte Annie Cooper on Family or little Lucy McFadden in The GoodBye Girl.  I just love Quinn.  She has a blog that I started following, as well, and her sense of humor is just dry, witty, and entertaining.  You can check her out here, as well at The QC Report.  I tweeted that I was excited to see her and Jen and she "favorited" it!  OMG!  Love social media.

Anyway, it's been a great couple of weeks for awesome celebrity sightings.  I tried not to act too much a starstruck fool.  After all, I friggin' live here.  I'm supposed to be immune. But, I'm not. 

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Weather Gone Wild

Sis 1 here . . .

I keep seeing all the posts from all over the US and every single day, I'm thankful I live in Southern California.  I don't think I could handle all the snow and ice anymore, even though I was raised in that shit.  I used to say I can't handle the cold, but with all the hot flashes I have, the cold is a bit welcome.  . . Just not all the time.  Today, I got to make a quick beach trip before going on client visits.  I just sat in my car and looked out at the Pacific and it brought me some inner peace that I've been needing.  And even though today is a bit cold and rainy (cold being around 50 degrees with cold water coming down), I'm still able to function without a heavy coat.  Although I did put on my Uggs when I took the Boy to dinner.  My toes get colder than the rest of me.  So, if you're stuck in the cold (hint hint, Sis 2), feel free to come to So Cal and visit me. 

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Gone Too Soon

Sis 1 here . . .

No sassy or sarcastic today.  Today, I just want to say farewell to some classmates.  One I wasn't fond of, but she's gone now.  One I was very fond of and didn't get a chance to reconnect and now he's gone.  Two others I didn't know well, but gone too soon.  These are all classmates of mine who have passed on recently. It's brought home to me to love your friends and family.  Tell them and show them every day.  Don't let asshats get in your way.  Life is too short to allow that.

So, to those who are reading this.  Thank you and sending you positive, loving thoughts.  To my sis aka Sis 2 . . . Love you girlie.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . But throw some love in there while you're at it.

I Need a New Tattoo

Sis 1 here . . .

I love tattoos . . . Now don't get me wrong, I'm not all tatted up; I only have one so far.  And, any tats I have must be strategically located, because of the job I'm in.  I also think that tats should have special meaning.  The one I have is a fleur de lis and I got it in New Orleans.  Sis 2 has a matching one.  For me, that tat symbolized the beginning of the end.  It kept me strong while I was trying to get my shit together to change my life.

Now that my divorce is final, I'm ready for my next tat.  I have it designed.  It will be on my inner wrist . . . An infinity symbol with a double K entwined in it and above it, these words from Shakespeare, "To thine own self be true."  This is to remind me to be true to me and never lose myself in someone again.  It is my symbol for starting over.  I'm not stopping there, I need my dragonfly as a symbol of new life and my hummingbird as a reminder for my family that has passed but is not forgotten in my heart.

So, I need to get moving on these.  I could use some additional funding though.  Taking all donations.  LOL!

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Celebrity Sighting

Sis 1 here . . .

I've lived in LA for 24 years and I seldom see any celebrities.  We don't tend to run in the same circles.  LOL!  When I do see them, I tend not to say anything, because I don't want to bother them.  But, I learned a hard lesson several years ago.  I ran into Rod Stewart in a grocery store.  I had a mad crush on that man and I chickened out talking to him.  Missed opportunity.  After that, I vowed that if I saw a celebrity that I was/am into, I will say something . . . without being too obtrusive.  I did that when I met Sean Astin.  We went to college together and we became friends for awhile (along with his wonderful wife who is a fellow Hoosier).  We lost touch after graduating from college.

Tonight, I came home from a book signing.  I've met the author, Sue Monk Kidd, four times now. To me, she seems like family, but she's really a big deal now.  Her new book is the current #1 bestseller (and it's fabulous y'all) and she's Oprah's Bookclub 2.0 choice!   So cool, right?

Right.  But here's even cooler.  I met Blair from Facts of Life, y'all!  Yup, that's right.  Lisa Welchel was at the book signing.  I swear I stared at her the whole time deciding how to approach her.  I finally just went up, apologized for staring and asked if she was who she was.  She was very gracious and kind and confirmed.  I told her how I used to run home from school to watch her on The New Mickey Mouse Club and then saw every episode of Facts of Life.  I had such a girl crush on her.  She was so beautiful and I just loved her.  BTW--still f'g beautiful and looks the same as she did back then.  I think she was a little surprised about the MMC, because everyone knows who Blair is, but maybe not that she was on MMC.  She asked my name . . . which I stuttered out . . . and then introduced me to her friend Michelle (who I apologized for interrupting and she was super nice too).  I did chicken out about getting her autograph, because I didn't want to be too pushy.  But dang, that was really cool. I'm still excited.

So, tonight, was a great night.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic  . . . .

You Can't Fix Stupid

Sis 1 here . . .

"You Can't Fix Stupid."  I saw this on a bumper sticker once and it hit home. I had been ranting about stupid people and the stupid things they do.  I kept saying I didn't understand why they didn't get it.  Why can't they do what they are supposed to do?  You've been doing a particular job for 20 years and you still can't get it right?  You've been driving since you were 16 and you still don't know how to use a turn signal properly?  I used to get so mad about these things.  I'd yell and rant and get stressed out . . . All for stupid stuff.  And then I saw the bumper sticker.  Now, I don't get mad or stress anymore.  I just say, "you can't fix stupid."  And then I move on. Well, that's not totally true, but I try.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Blog Fodder

Sis 1 here . . .

What is blog fodder?  Well, it's shit that happens that makes me want to write about it.  My divorce, my dating life, stupid shit that happens, funny shit that happens, or just shit I've seen on the internet or out on the street.

Sometimes, shit is so damn funny, that you just can't make it up.  Other times, it's so damn annoying, you just have to get it off your chest.  But more than anything else, blog fodder is cathartic.  ESD does something stupid . . . Write about it and show how fucking stupid he is.  Guy sends picture of his dick before we meet . . . Time to write about it and wonder how he thinks I'd want to date him.  High school antics . . . Never off limits and so much fun to reminisce.

So, this blog is just fodder . . . Filling space while I work out other shit in my head.  Maybe Sis 2 has something to add.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic. . . .