Oops...back to our regularly scheduled programming

Sis 1 here...

Apparently Sis 2 and I have forgotten our priorities...yup, we've been away from our blog for over a week. Yikes!

So, here's a condensed version of my life the last week...

I got my new car and I love love love it.  Funny thing...Jackass found out about it and he's pissed. That makes me love it more. He apparently isn't happy because his car needs brakes.  Oh yeah...get a job mother fucker!

I won a contest at work and the prize was a new Surface RT tablet. Love love love it too...I can finally watch my Netflix and HBO Go on a screen bigger than my hand. LOL

I also was "awarded" a mini fridge from work. Sounds silly, but it's perfect for my alcohol and sits by the patio door...where I do the majority of my imbibing.

Finally, the timing has worked out that I get to see Top again in just over a week. Woo hoo!

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic....

Happy happy happy . . . Love love love

Sis 1 here . . .

Missed my appointed blog time yesterday.  I was tied up getting my NEW CAR!  So happy.  I've been needing a new car because my old one may not make it through the summer without a lot of work.  So, the old car is sitting until I get the money for repairs and will go to the Boy fairly soon as his car.  With all the repairs, it'll be like new for him when he gets his license.  The new one is a Chevy Equinox and I couldn't be happier.   See the Picture.

Until next time . . . keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Baby Steps

Sis 2 here ... 

Taking baby steps to remove those people that are not putting in the effort or bringing appropriate value to my life ... finally feeling like I am getting my head in the right place for ME!! 

Feeling FREE and #sassyandsarcastic 

Stop Over Thinking It

Sis 1 here...

A follow up blog. I have to remember that I actually have a good guy.  He doesn't play games and if there is a problem, he'll be honest.  So hard after all the years of bullshit.

#sassyandsarcastic

Over? Or Just Thinking?

Sis 1 here . . .

With all the break throughs, I have this impending feeling of doom. Top says he has a lot on his mind--and I haven't talked to him since our great conversation on Tuesday night.  Maybe it is nothing and I'm borrowing trouble, but maybe this is it.  I'm prepared for the worst, but don't really know how I'll handle it.  I hope with dignity and grace, but I have a feeling I'll be crying and miserable.  Fingers crossed--all good thoughts and prayers are welcome.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic. . . .

Bonus blog

Sis 1 here...

Even though I'm making break thoughs, I'm still having problems getting out of my head.

I know to take it one day at a time, but when I don't hear from him all day, that day sucks!

#sassyandsarcastic

Weeds or Flowers?

Sis 2 here ... 

Today as I was pulling weeds and working in the yard, my mind was still in overdrive with all of the things going on in my life especially as it relates to the people in my life. 

As I pulled what felt like the thousandth weed of the morning it dawned on me that in our life sometimes people and situations are just like weeds and flowers ... 

Weeds are sometimes pretty to look at but serve no real purpose in the garden ... think dandelions or clover. Weeds are sometimes ugly and a real nuisance in the garden and are difficult to get rid of ... think poison ivy or prickly thistles. 

Flowers are typically things that we plant in our garden by choice but sometimes are a lucky accident ... either way they bring pleasure and beauty to our garden. 

I am tired of the weeds in my life ... it is time to pull them up and make room for flowers! Time to figure out which people are "weeds" and which people are "flowers" and make my "garden" of life what I want. So to all of you in my life, time to show me - are you a weed or a flower? 

As I plant a new "garden" of people in my life, I will be keeping it #sassyandsarcastic 

Percolating

Sis 1 here . . .

This post has been percolating in my head all day.  I've been trying to write it and just couldn't get it right.  So, I was watching a stupid tv show and it all became clear.  We have to give ourselves fully to the ones we love.  We may get hurt, but then again, it may be beautiful. 

On the stupid show, all the people are lying and using each other, but there is one couple that was together before, they are still friends, and when it comes down to it, they truly love each other.  The woman went to the man and just flat out told him that she loves him.  He gets pissed, talking about how he's been trying to move past her all this time, but then turns around and grabs her and he loves her too.

That triggered what has been blocking me.  I truly love Top.  I know that he loves me.  There are lots of obstacles and we may not end up together.  But, I had to tell him.  He may not "choose" me in the end and my heart may get broken, but . . . the old cliche is true . . . "it is better to loved and lost than to never have loved at all."  I pushed him away once, and that was my bad.  I was hurt and broken hearted, but this time around, he will have to be the one to push me away.

I told him tonight, "I'm in a good head space . . . I love you."  He was confused and I told him that I was just feeling good and wanted him to know.  He was still confused, so I told him about the stupid tv show and how I had a moment of clarity.  I relaized that no matter what the past, the future is uncertain and this moment I love him very much.  I'm not trying to pressure him, I know where we stand and will continue to take it one day at a time.  I told him that I need to tell him exactly how I feel  . . . whether he wanted to hear it or not.  He understands but wants to know what made me tell him that out of the blue.

It just became clear.  I keep saying trust is key and honesty is so important.  I really want to keep living that truth.  I have been praying on this for a few days and the truth came in the form of a stupid tv show.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic. . . .

Stupid Brain

Sis 2 here - 

As I have posted before my life is a HOT FUCKING MESS right now -- trying to get a divorce but can't afford for him to move out yet, can't find a damn job so working bits and pieces of temp jobs trying to survive, have a young boy toy that makes me insane ... but none of that is truly the point of this post. 

What this post is about is my brain ... more importantly how I tend to over think EVERY DAMN THING and it makes me crazy!

For example:

Divorce -- he never made an effort to make plans or do anything proactive to get things done in our marriage why would I expect him to do things now like:
     1) start researching places to live 
     2) participate in the conversation about future plans
     3) GET THE FUCK OUT

Job -- send out resume after resume and all I hear is: 
     1) you are over qualified
     2) position has been filled
     3) or the worst NOTHING - what happened to a simple reply that you received my resume?

Boy Toy -- this one is simply said with: 
     1) too young
     2) too immature 
     3) too far away 
     4) but gets into my head (and heart) even when I try to stay strong and focused on what "this"     
          really is 

Okay, so maybe those things are a part of the point, but ultimately my biggest problem right now is ME ... mostly my brain and how I over think everything, worry about what might be instead of what is and ultimately make myself crazy. 

I need my stupid girly X-chromosome ruled brain to SHUT THE FUCK UP and stop thinking so much. 

Going crazy but still #sassyandsarcastic 

Vindication!

Sis 1 here . . .

Revenge is a dish best served cold . . . and it is so very fucking sweet.

I have been without internet for about two months.  Jackass had borrowed his son's computer and it didn't make sense that I was paying for internet on no computer.  He returned the computer about a month ago, but I hadn't gotten around to getting internet back.  So, yesterday, I added the internet back in, hooked up the modem, installed the software, set up the wi-fi network, and my first place to check to make sure it was right, was  . . . Facebook, of course.  Imagine my surprise when I clicked on Facebook, ready to log in, and Jackass was already logged in.  Imagine the joy when I discovered that.  Imagine the vindication when I discovered he had been lying and cheating for a long mother fucking time!  Woot woot!

Ok--a little back story.  I had been very unhappy for years, he didn't work for years (he's a musician), so I couldn't leave him. I felt like I would be abandoning a child to the cold harsh world.  I didn't want my son to see his dad not making it and possibly living on the streets--because that's what it would have come down to back then.  However, by January 1, 2012, I was done.  I woke up that morning and just couldn't do it anymore.  I had a vacation scheduled in February, so I didn't want to rock the boat--child care you know.  But, he started to push the issue and the night before I left, kept me up all night "talking" -- the man never shuts the fuck up.  So, I went on vacation with Sis 2, and hooked up with a very fine, young (emphasis on young) man that I met there the year before.  He was there on leave and fate had us there at the same time.  I couldn't NOT hook up . . . I mean really . . . I consider it my patriotic duty.  LOL!  Anyway--long story short, Jackass saw us on the live webcam and called me on it.  We had a big blow up, started counseling, and the rest is history.

So--he harped on this one incident during the entire time we were in counseling.  Not saying he didn't have a right to, but he didn't want to see all the very many incidents he did along the way.  He kept saying he never cheated.  Come on dude, I may have blond roots, but I'm not fucking stupid.  I was one of your groupies at one point--I know exactly what those bitches do and how you eat it up. 

Sidebar:  I had started talking to Top during this time as well.  His wife found out and contacted Jackass.  Shit really hit the fan then.  At some point, the counselor told him to delete those messages because it is unhealthy and if he was really interested in salvaging anything with me, he had to delete them.  He said he did--told me, told the counselor. BTW--Top is separated from his wife.

Back to Facebook--he's logged in.  Do you really think I'm not going to look at the messages?  Hell yeah I did.  (1) he didn't delete the messages between him and Top's wife; (2) the high school sweetheart he brought to family dinner when we were home last summer?--he couldn't afford our date that he was looking forward to, right?  Yeah--spent the date money on her!; (3) inappropriate messages with lots of women; (4) telling people about my infidelity, but no mention of his part in it--played the martyr and with people that FUCKING KNOW ME; (4) he's been begging for money from his mom and other relatives; (5)and this is the big one -- started fucking the chick in his band--the one he now lives with and says they are like brother and sister!  Ewwwww--sick!  But--the big part about that is . . . it started at the end of July/early August--BEFORE we separated and were still in counseling.  He was spending money on her, but couldn't help pay bills in the house.  PLUS--when his band went to Vegas in the summer, they had a room together.  Oh yeah--that's what I thought the first time I read the thread.  I realized when I read it again--just the two of them went to Vegas.

So, I can't say anything before the divorce is final and I may not after that.  After all, I am a lady and take the high road.  But . . . every single time he asks me for money and every single time we change something over from my name to his . . . the answer is FUCK NO!  You can't make ends meet?  Try getting a mother fucking job!

This has become a really long rant, but I feel so vindicated.  I thought all guilt had gone away already, but when I read this stuff, I realized that there was just a tad bit left.  Not anymore.  Karma is a bitch and she's one of my dearest friends.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .

Mom Puts Her Foot Down

Sis 1 here . . .

The Boy (who is 14) pretty much has leeway to do whatever the hell he wants.  He makes straight As in the Honors Program, does his chores (without whining or nagging for the most part), and behaves (for the most part).  He's not just book smart, but he is also street smart, and common sense smart.  So, I don't get on him much.  However, Momma had to put her foot down last night.  That little mother fucker thought he was going to say some smart ass shit to me and get away with it.

Keep in mind, this kid now pretty much towers over me.  Yet, I can still get in his face and he will shake in his shoes.  That is the key, ladies and gentlemen, the kid needs to have a healthy dose of fear of the parental units.  He knows I mean it when I say, "I brought you into this world; I can take your ass out."

So, I put my foot down and decided he is going back to Indiana with me on vacation in July.  I had hoped to be able to plan with Top to coordinate our vacations, so if the Boy didn't go, so much the better for my love life.  Since Top's plans are up in the air, I had to firm up my plans (we may still be able to coordinate a bit).  My reluctance to coordinate our trips was because I really didn't know what to do with the Boy.  Twelve days is a bit much to foist your kid off on someone else, and it's entirely too long for him to spend with his sperm donor--they'd kill each other.  So, we're renting a car, taking the dog, and hitting the road.  Woo hoo!

Sidebar:  Jackass aka sperm donor had the nerve to text me to ask to borrow money last night.  Are you fucking kidding me?  Sorry, dude . . . no money for you.  Bwahahahahah!

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .