Percolating

Sis 1 here . . .

This post has been percolating in my head all day.  I've been trying to write it and just couldn't get it right.  So, I was watching a stupid tv show and it all became clear.  We have to give ourselves fully to the ones we love.  We may get hurt, but then again, it may be beautiful. 

On the stupid show, all the people are lying and using each other, but there is one couple that was together before, they are still friends, and when it comes down to it, they truly love each other.  The woman went to the man and just flat out told him that she loves him.  He gets pissed, talking about how he's been trying to move past her all this time, but then turns around and grabs her and he loves her too.

That triggered what has been blocking me.  I truly love Top.  I know that he loves me.  There are lots of obstacles and we may not end up together.  But, I had to tell him.  He may not "choose" me in the end and my heart may get broken, but . . . the old cliche is true . . . "it is better to loved and lost than to never have loved at all."  I pushed him away once, and that was my bad.  I was hurt and broken hearted, but this time around, he will have to be the one to push me away.

I told him tonight, "I'm in a good head space . . . I love you."  He was confused and I told him that I was just feeling good and wanted him to know.  He was still confused, so I told him about the stupid tv show and how I had a moment of clarity.  I relaized that no matter what the past, the future is uncertain and this moment I love him very much.  I'm not trying to pressure him, I know where we stand and will continue to take it one day at a time.  I told him that I need to tell him exactly how I feel  . . . whether he wanted to hear it or not.  He understands but wants to know what made me tell him that out of the blue.

It just became clear.  I keep saying trust is key and honesty is so important.  I really want to keep living that truth.  I have been praying on this for a few days and the truth came in the form of a stupid tv show.

Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic. . . .