Boobs. Did I get your attention? Everyone loves boobs, right? Whether you're male, female, gay, straight, baby, grown up . . . It doesn't matter. Some women complain about their boobs--either too small, too big, too saggy. But what we don't talk about is this . . . Boob food. I'm not talking about breast feeding. BTW--how awesome is that? I'm talking about the day-to-day dilemma. And this may not apply to all boob owners, but here's what I deal with every day.
I'm eating my meal, snack, whatever . . . The crumbs and sometimes even large bites end up in my bra. Every. Single. Time. I. Eat. It doesn't matter if I use a bib or put my plate/bowl right under my chin, a la old fashioned Catholic communion, I end up with a full meal in my bra. Now, sometimes, I struggle and dig that shit out as soon as it happens. After all, bra crumbs are not comfortable. But other times, I can't be bothered. At the end of the day, I take off my bra and voila . . . Instant evening snack. Ok, ok--I know that sounds gross and I don't really do that. But, damn! I could feed a small country with the waste. Kinda like the loaves and fishes.
My new dilemma is this. I was in a very long term relationship, so boob food was not an issue. It was the status quo. Now that I'm out there dating again, what happens if I decide to do the horizontal boogie? I mean really. What if the new man is going for the score and comes up with half a PB&J sandwich? For some reason, I don't think he'll find that sexy. Here I am in my sexy Vicky's Secret lingerie (ok, the Walmart equivalent) and he's all turned on, off comes the bra and presto . . . Here's your appetizer?! I hope you don't have allergies. Bwahahaha . . . .
Something to think about.
Until next time, keep it #sassyandsarcastic . . . .